Those were pretty much the first words out of one of my friend's mouth when I showed up to clinic. It's good to know that we believe in honesty above all else.
She quickly tried to back-track. "No, no. It's just that your eyes look really glazed over." I wondered briefly if I was still wearing my work-face. There has been a lot of sitting at the computer the last couple of days.
Today we had a hilly 5k tempo. My legs were still feeling it from last night's long run, my voice was still hoarse, and a lingering cough nagged at me.
When my friend asked me to pace her at a 5.10, I just laughed the high-pitched whinny laugh of someone who still has laryngitis. Then coughed. Then whinny-laughed a bit more.
I was feeling good the first km as we jaunted up the hill. I enjoyed the view of the city as we ran along the bluff. Around halfway into the mark, I started to lag behind my group. At first I resisted. Keep up, girl. You've got this!
And then I went into the stage of acceptance. Focus on effort, not speed. Let the others do their own pace...you focus on yours.
One of the guys noticed I was behind but failed to notice my "I'm alright. You keep going your pace and let me do my thing back here and really you don't have to check on me I'm not lost there are lots of people around so I don't feel unsafe and I'm not injured or in trouble so I'll see you at the end when we all stretch together" hand gesture. Really, there is such a gesture.
He slowed down to run with me. Because that's the kind of people runners are. And of course, then we went through the time-honoured ritual of me encouraging him to run his own pace and not to worry about me, and him insisting he would rather run a little bit easier and keep the lagging runner company. Whatever the country, this is what runners do.
And then...then I bit my tongue as I realized exactly what I had become. Excuses Girl.
Now, I'm not talking about all the excuses I make for not going on a run. I've always been that girl, as anyone who has read my blog will know. Fair-weather runner is a name I wear with pride, after all. No, I'm talking about a decent runner who is working hard and doing her best but feeling like it's not good enough compared to other runners. I mean really, the only one I should be comparing to is myself, but comparing to others is just way to easy and tempting sometimes.
Oh, how I tried not to become That Person. It's easy to become That Person when you remember a time when you were fitter and faster (and even then, I could never be too fit or too fast!). And yes, there have been many a time when I've been fitter and faster. But there have been even more times when I've been unfit and unfast. So right now - today - I am as fit as I can be for the effort I've put into it. No excuses necessary.
I almost forgot. After my friend joined me - when I was all set to throw in the towel - I was suddenly more interested in our conversation and less in my pace. And you know what? We even picked up the pace in the end. And I felt pretty great.
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